I saw him yesterday, but this time around with a very sad look and silence. My abah's health is deterioting and it affects his memories. He used to forget people's names and now, days and dates, hopefully it will stops there cause I can't bear seeing him starts to forget us. I know how frustrating it is to be forgetful and have to keep on asking people the same things repeatedly. When abah was first disgnosed to be asmathic, it never occured to us that his condition will be getting worst to stage 2 CPD, chronic pulmonary disease and that it will eventually leads to heart problem. We never thought that his memory will be diminishing as well. It is disheartening to see him lying back on his resting chair throwing a blank gaze to the busy road right in front of our kampung house, taking a heavy and deep breath once in a while. Though he can still walk and read papers, it takes him a toll to do so and often I asked myself, in what ways possible could I lift his burden, even if it is just for a while.
I do wish sometimes, he will gain his health back so that we can continue on our arguments about politics, people... work and personal matters. I do long for his insights and wise thoughts, what more to see him having lifely chats with almost anyone again. I miss his leadership roles that unite us, brothers and sisters and to see the respect that they show when he is present. Unlike some of my siblings, they didn't really prefer the way Abah educated us (i.e. with strict disciplines, canning, curfew, tv banning etc2.) but I never took it personal. I do not know why. Yes, it was tormenting at that point of time for a growing teenager but it never did occur to me that Abah was trying to make my life miserable. Everything was accepted there and then. Dot.
I do wish sometimes, he will gain his health back so that we can continue on our arguments about politics, people... work and personal matters. I do long for his insights and wise thoughts, what more to see him having lifely chats with almost anyone again. I miss his leadership roles that unite us, brothers and sisters and to see the respect that they show when he is present. Unlike some of my siblings, they didn't really prefer the way Abah educated us (i.e. with strict disciplines, canning, curfew, tv banning etc2.) but I never took it personal. I do not know why. Yes, it was tormenting at that point of time for a growing teenager but it never did occur to me that Abah was trying to make my life miserable. Everything was accepted there and then. Dot.
More that often now, I try to reminisce the time we had, all those years that have been left behind which shed tears in my eyes knowing how time flies and how good things passed by. Seeing him warm up my spirits within even if we are just sitting together in silence. I pray abah finds his moment of solace in the coming days ahead..... What about you, have you missed anyone, or any moments and pray that you could be turning back the time just to experience it once more?
Listen to this song:
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