There had been so many changes in life over the pass few months since I last blogging in May. I'd been consistently trying to change my blog templates into something more pleasant, to the very least from my p.o.v but trapped in the so called other demanding tasks in hands. My spirits some how flew away, as I lost determination of what is next in life. The feel of freely exploring impossible dreams are halted. Perhaps it is just myself to be blame. I'm still mourning another great lost in July, my beloved ones, i.e. my father and my pillar of strength had passed away. I had no regrets for I feel that I had or in my very best effort tried to be the best daughter, all of the success and the joys in my life, he knew had been dedicated to him and my dearly mother. If I am selfish, I would be wishing him to stay a bit more longer, but knowing his health condition and that he had all his wishlist granted, it is time for him to go. Ohh... I just couldn't stop my eyes from flooding with tears every time I wrote or think about him.
The emptiness is mostly felt by my mother whom I wish, I could stay by her side. The fragility and vivid memories of almost 50 years living together had some effect on her as she lost her life companion which of course incomparable with the presence of her children. I am, on the other hand however bound to the responsibility which I could not release, and the distance does not make things much easier. The family also had seen some shift in its equilibrium, but that does not bother me so much as long as mother is in her best state of health and soul. Fortunately enough, mother had her visitors every now and then, which filled the void left by father though sometimes the conversation tails back to her memories.
Most recently, me and daughter, due to the changes in weather or perhaps place, kept on being sick no matter how well we took care of ourselves. Hubby is adapting well I believe. I'm experiencing eyesores which aren't so pleasing. I noticed that I had gained weight, thus I could not fit into my closet cloths and took very nice picture of me like I used to. Huh... that is annoying too. The weight gain is being topped up with the fact that I am more adventurous in my cooking skills. I've been baking and baking and loaded new recipes try out. What a contradiction of bliss and guilt. I've been completing my sewing list as well though I would love to try out more and more until my daughter could have her closet full with my 'hand made' brand. However, I do not not why, my sewing and pattern translation seems to be a very slow process which in the end, made me feel exhausted.
I am complaining too much.
And, I spent time reading friends achievements, some had new bundle of joy in life, some successfully becomes an entrepreneur, some had open their own businesses, some migrated and also completed their doctorates, some published books.... well, I took a pause and ask a question to myself, Had I achieve anything this year .... something truly remarkable and gives an additional value to myself. The questions still have no answer. Nvm, I'm off now, my red eyes begin to be watery and it is so uncomfortable... I need to see the doctor again.
The emptiness is mostly felt by my mother whom I wish, I could stay by her side. The fragility and vivid memories of almost 50 years living together had some effect on her as she lost her life companion which of course incomparable with the presence of her children. I am, on the other hand however bound to the responsibility which I could not release, and the distance does not make things much easier. The family also had seen some shift in its equilibrium, but that does not bother me so much as long as mother is in her best state of health and soul. Fortunately enough, mother had her visitors every now and then, which filled the void left by father though sometimes the conversation tails back to her memories.
Most recently, me and daughter, due to the changes in weather or perhaps place, kept on being sick no matter how well we took care of ourselves. Hubby is adapting well I believe. I'm experiencing eyesores which aren't so pleasing. I noticed that I had gained weight, thus I could not fit into my closet cloths and took very nice picture of me like I used to. Huh... that is annoying too. The weight gain is being topped up with the fact that I am more adventurous in my cooking skills. I've been baking and baking and loaded new recipes try out. What a contradiction of bliss and guilt. I've been completing my sewing list as well though I would love to try out more and more until my daughter could have her closet full with my 'hand made' brand. However, I do not not why, my sewing and pattern translation seems to be a very slow process which in the end, made me feel exhausted.
I am complaining too much.
And, I spent time reading friends achievements, some had new bundle of joy in life, some successfully becomes an entrepreneur, some had open their own businesses, some migrated and also completed their doctorates, some published books.... well, I took a pause and ask a question to myself, Had I achieve anything this year .... something truly remarkable and gives an additional value to myself. The questions still have no answer. Nvm, I'm off now, my red eyes begin to be watery and it is so uncomfortable... I need to see the doctor again.
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